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I Thank God

I Thank God

It’s 2018- I have absolutely everything I never thought I would be able to hold within my grasp and somehow that old feeling of anxiety, the depth of darkness and the solemness of depression has once again begun to creep in. I was newly married to the man of my dreams; I had finally found the career that was exciting me to arrive to the office each morning and we had just moved into our first home. What more could I want?! Why wasn’t it enough?! How on Earth could the woman who had everything she ever wanted, feel so blue?!

Throughout my earlier years in life, I had battled reoccurring cycles of anxiety. When I was a child, I feared sleepovers and being away from my family; but then I went on to college and all those irrational fears seemed to disappear. As a new college grad, I went through a period of anxiety and depression that I never really understood but learned to cope through. When my husband Tony and I met, I was coming out of one such cycle and he began to help me rely upon Jesus to get me through. But we had beat that, right?! It was done! 

We had gotten married. We had turned the page. This was a new season and a fresh start- how on Earth could I be going through this “cycle” again?! Why was my heart suddenly racing all day?! Why were my hands constantly clammy and why couldn’t my thoughts stop racing?! I already knew Jesus. I knew who He was, and I had fallen in love with the savior who took the cross to erase my every sin. So, what on Earth was happening to me?

That season of life started Labor Day of 2018 and lasted over the next several months. It’s a season I never asked for, but I thank God to have gotten to walk through- to get to stand on the other side as an overcomer and to encourage others (specifically women) to conquer as well. 

Over the next several months, my hands didn’t just get clammy- but my walk with Christ was threatened. I had to stand before my new husband, Tony, and tell him I had loud and deafening thoughts that told me to harm myself. I had to confess that I was broken and seek humility in finding others to walk beside us as we conquered this mighty mountain. We spent hours on the floor of the “prayer room” in our new home seeking answers and just relishing in the presence of God. 

Have you ever walked through a season of life that felt like quicksand but had the peace of heaven? That’s exactly how this season felt for us. In moments, it felt we couldn’t get our footing but somehow God was there in every moment. I remember crying out to God in desperation “WHERE ARE YOU?” and it wasn’t until months later that I realized, he was right there within it all. 

Just like Jesus, I had been tempted in the wilderness- but also like Jesus I learned to combat every single lie with the word of God and the authority that we have been given as Children of the King. Life as a “King’s Kid” as I like to call it, doesn’t mean we will be without trials BUT it does mean that no matter the trial we face- He is with us within it all.  

That season of life broke the cycle. Alongside my patient and loving husband, we looked in the face of one of the greatest giants in life and said, we trust Jesus! I learned that there was no one else I needed to seek, but Jesus! 

We sought doctors to help us through this season and I am grateful for a Father who created medicine to help us through sticky moments but more grateful for a God who lives within us and brings us through the fire of life to break cycles and be made new. 

That season of life made me new. It healed me of anxiety and depression. It gave me freedom that I had never known and something I thank God for each day. In the right time it taught me to stand on my own two feet and to trust Jesus for my every need. I haven’t taken medication in over 2 years. It doesn’t mean that every day is easy street or that there won’t be dark moments of fear in life, but it does mean that you have One standing beside you that will never leave your side and can help you to overcome any situation that seems bigger than you can face. 

Within the hardest seasons of life, Jesus is with us. His word promises (Deuteronomy 31:8) that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Those words don’t expire. His promises never change. You are worth Jesus to God and that’s something to never forget!


Written by: Brittney Lunski

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